How do you say thank you to the people you have quietly read your posts, never leaving a comment but have kept you truly in theirs prayers? To those who caught you walking out of a bathroom stall, stop and asked if you REALLY were ok, letting you know if needed anything to please call anytime? The ones who have sent you supportive words in fun filled envelopes with cupcake tape, little hearts and pink stress-balls, because YES, we all need a pink stress-ball! For the beautiful bible verses which are so perfect for my Bible verse journal and have a special touch of my grandmother within then, who may have not passed her painting skill to her grandchildren but she left a legacy for the love of being creative through all forms or art. And for the silly texts that make you giggle or conversations of .gifs only to make you smile and you understand? For the day spent walking small river towns talking about kids, jobs, promotions and how happy our spouses make us yet drive us crazy, leaving your to feel like you're normal for a day?
When you don't want anything more than someone to be there, for you to have a crying fit because you're so overwhelmed and physically hurt you can't stand it anymore, someone to hug out the tears and make you laugh because you're an ugly crier, to just care on a bad day and let you know you're strong and to continue to fight, because they are right there next to you, fighting for and with you not making you feel any less of a person because you're fighting mental illness and not some incurable disease.
When you just want to be able to move forward, these little tokens show up, they brighten my day and make me like I am worth it.
For those who don't understand mental illness, it's an ugly beast that wears you thin, makes you physically hurt almost daily. It could roar it's nasty head at any time. The hardest part of me is trying to piece together why in January did it hit me like a freight train. Looking back I can see the signs leading up to it but I didn't want to face them. The accident I was in last June set myself into a whirlwind of pain, between the headaches, migraines, back pains and from there it just wore my anxiety to a threshold I couldn't take any longer. I spiraled down and as I tried to avoid the realization, little triggers kept happening pushing me further and further to isolation. I am literally afraid to drive and I hate highway 70, avoid it at all costs. Nonetheless, I am here and I am fighting for the Blessed life God has given me and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's not easy but I have my faith and I have these special people supporting me, I don't even know who to repay.
© Christina M Wilmes